THE MODERN MILLENNIAL: PART TWO
A Mother’s Ultimatum
There are two events that changed my life forever. The first is when I became a licensed architect at the age of 29. For the better part of a decade, my life revolved around architecture. Six and a half years of schooling, traveling Europe during a semester abroad, followed by a rigorous internship where hours spent after the 9-5 seemed second nature.
From there, I embarked on an intense 16-month campaign to pass all six ARE tests (during a global pandemic- mind you). My husband never knew me as a person who had much “free time” as it was constantly occupied by the world of architecture.
The pursuit of licensure filled my headspace continually. The moment I received my license in Illinois in March of 2021, I breathed a sigh of relief knowing I had achieved one of my lifelong dreams all before I turned 30 years old.
I breathed a sigh of relief knowing I had achieved one of my lifelong dreams all before I turned 30 years old.
But the world around me seemed to halt when I had my daughter in June of 2022. Suddenly, the career I had built seemed….imperfect. The firm I had adored for my entire career did not offer much in terms of maternity leave. In fact, they didn’t offer anything. To not much fault of their own, the industry of architecture is miles behind other industries in terms of paid, or even unpaid, parental leave.
I took eight weeks of my own accrued time and the remaining four weeks went unpaid. By the time I returned to work in September, I was coming back to the same rigor of projects, consults, meetings, and deadlines all on months of broken sleep and a recovering body from raising a newborn.
The world of architecture still needed me, but so did my daughter. For 18 months, I juggled life as a new mother and life as a newly licensed architect. Constant meetings, contractor calls, before and after hour work to meet deadlines all while trying to raise my daughter and be a present mother. Despite my employer being accommodating and flexible for most things, the corporate world of architecture existed during corporate hours. I would rush from site visits to bring my child to appointments. And Iwould rush to drop my child off, to make client meetings. I knew for some time that the two halves of my heart weren’t receiving 100% of me.
So, what happens next? Three months after I found out I was expecting my second child, I left my long-anticipated career, the same one I worked so steadfastly to build. The answer became clear. My children were not going to wait, yet my career could. The dichotomy between architecture and motherhood was too far removed.
There is a common saying that only becomes evident when you are a parent- the days are long, but the years are short. I did not want the fleeting sense of time as my children grew to become a backburner to my career.
As I’m writing this after almost a year of tending to the needs of my toddler and my son, who decided to enter the world six weeks early, I can confirm that I have never worked harder in my life. I am on the clock 16-20 hours a day, 7 days a week. There is no lunch break. There are no sick days.
I am unequivocally mentally and most days physically exhausted. Friday rolls around and there is no paycheck of recognition for my hard work. But I have also discovered the parallels between raising children and managing projects are twofold. I know time management, logistics, planning, money management, pedagogy all while tending to the needs of children. The corporate world of architecture should never be ashamed to hire men or women after a gap in their work history to raise their children. They are, in fact, perfect workplace candidates.
I will never regret my decision to leave the workforce for now. It is the best thing I will ever do and was not the easy way out. But when the time comes to reenter the workforce and dive back into the wonderful world that is architecture, I want to hold my head high knowing that I am coming back stronger and more diligent than ever.
I will never regret my decision … the best thing I will ever do and was not the easy way out.
I think there is an important conversation that needs to be had with employers and employees regarding parenthood. It is an unfortunate age we live in where it is almost impossible to be both a career driven individual and a parent.
My greatest advice for an aspiring architect will always be this: follow your heart but know that life can change and that your dreams can change also. You can be two things at once: a parent and a career person. Or you do not have to be. And free will is up to you.